This blog has sparked a number of conversations between my friends/family and myself and a few times people have asked me for advice. By no means am I a relationship expert. I can only tell you what I think I would do in certain situations or using the blog I can post it & let you guys give your opinions. Well I had a very interesting conversation with a friend the other day about lack of sex/intimacy in their marriage. Now before I start let me just say that I know both wife & husband and am cool with both so I am not taking sides...
In a nutshell the wife feels that her husband is always nagging her for sex. She feels that it's all he ever talks about & wants. The husband states that he loves & naturally desires his wife. He says he feels rejected when she denies him and feels inadequate or like he is doing something wrong.
Now as the title states my first instinct is to tell the wife now if you don't bone your husband someone else will so get on it..TWSS But that isn't going to help anyone & it's just mean.
First off I think something is going on with the wife to make her not have any sexual desire. From what I know of her she has ZERO sex life & never wants to do it. She claims she's always tired from work, the household chores and dealing with their daughter. This is understandable but even on days when there is nothing to be done & grandma is babysitting there is still no desire on her part. She claims that she loves her husband and is totally attracted to him but she doesn't feel the need to be intimate with her husband.
The husband loves his wife. He is completely attracted to her and all he wants is to have sex on a consistent basis. He's not asking for it everyday but it's come to a point where he can't even get it on major holidays. He doesn't want to end his marriage and and doesn't want to cheat on his wife but he is at the point where he's given up on ever being intimate with his wife. And again while sex isn't everything it is a very important part of a relationship. I think that if I wasn't able to connect with my husband on that level we'd have issues. But again I can't help but think there is something deeper. A deeper issue that is the root for a lot of the feelings both of these people have. And I think it needs to be explored.
What say you blog family? What do you think you would do in this situation? How would you handle it? Do you think it's normal?
8 comments:
This was an interesting read. Have they considered professional help like a sex therapist? You hear of them these days. Its a huge topic on the radio. Maybe she has deeply rooted scars from the past and they need to come out? I'm just guessing here. Something does need to happen because everyone has needs and what the husband wants isn't unreasonable :( I think if it can't come out in a conversation that they have that they should seek advice or help.
That's a great idea Serena. You always here of people suggesting therapy but maybe they do need to go a step further & go see a sex therapist.
I agree the husband isn't asking anything unreasonable or out of the ordinary. He is just asking for what every normal man & woman out there would ask for.
Normal? NO. Therapy and Sex Therapy. Double up! I don’t know her personality and I have no idea what she’s struggling with internally (mentally and emotionally) so I won't judge her but she needs to dig deeper, get to the root of it and work on resolving it.
I feel sorry for her husband!!!
Hopefully no Chic will show up that he's attracted to and that feels so sorry for him she's more than willing to break him off a slice!
But as horny as he is right now, he's probably attracted to everybody! lol
Sex is expected if at least one party requires it. Especially, if they are marrief because the topic had to come up at least once. If she says no, then she better have a good alternative for him. Intimacy is just as important as communication, finances and anything else that keeps a relationship going. Maybe she just doesn't like it but there are consequences. Just like lack of finances and communication can cause arguments, lack of sex will make for an unhappy home. Seek help, www.annadplayfulpleasures.com.................
Talk about a gratuitous plug for the wife. Well done Powers!
I think that there are real terms and conditions that go unspoken and then get in the way of happiness between couples. eg.
Woman: "I give you sex all the time"
Man: "We have sex ONCE A MONTH"
Woman: "Yeah! Like I said...All the time!!"
This happens more often than not and originally I bet both of them simply said, i like to have sex a lot and they both thought they were talking about the same frequency. That's just an example but it extends to things like saying "I'm freaky in bed" or "I like to experiment". People need to be more explicit.
I'm weird but I tend to think intimacy is on the top 3 dealbreakers in my opinion. If we aren't compatible in bed we can't be together. If I don't desire you OR want to be intimate with you either I am deathly ill or drugged up & passed out! lmao
Now although I understand people get tired, work late, etc etc the DESIRE & the URGE to want to be intimate should ALWAYS be there and with this particular wife it isn't which is why there is a real problem.
Kudos on the plug boo.. BUT the site is actually..
http://www.annaspleasures.yourpassionconsultant.com/
Although if she chooses to have sex with a toy instead of him that opens up a whole set of new problems. LOL
@Hayden you bring up a valid point. But a lot of people fear being open & honest about what they want in bed. But as time progresses you see that it's important.
@Ms. Foodie..that's why today's blog was titled the way it is. Cuz I agree. The minute some halfway attractive chick even looks at him he's going to jump on her & bone her! LOL BUT I think his wife is taking for granted that he is a good dude & thinks he won't go that route.. Well if she keeps on like this he's going to stop being that good dude. And you know what it will be HER fault.
I'm pretty surprised by the responses. It is not clear to me whether this is a new issue for the wife in the relationship and whether she was a sexual beast before but this.is.so.normal. From my experience of speaking with women, particularly parents sex drive often drops. Um... remember, it is driven greatly by hormones. There is scientifically a connection between male hormones and sexual desire and also something to the "cougar stage" as well. Women who are older and in menopause (and thus with higher male hormones) have higher sex drives than younger women in child bearing years. Do I think this couple needs help? YES! Is she an anomaly - NO. I do not think sex should or always can be the top priority in a marriage since it is partially built on hormones and things that people have no control over. That does not mean it is not an issue to resolve. I think couples who place too high of a priority are in for rude awakenings. Medical issues occur. But I guess this depends on whether you view marriage as temporary or something that will be forever.
My two cents.
I've been told a woman’s desire/urge/need decreases with time and, unlike man, sex becomes less important in the relationship. WHY? Not sure….BUT I’VE BEEN TOLD!!!!
I have to say, from a man’s point of view, THAT’S BULL!!!! People, I’m sorry but I have to let my emotions out for a moment and let the MAN inside of me talk….Women are always demanding and expecting from men….If a man gives, at times is not enough…and if a man gives, at times its just expected….SO in other words nothing is ever enough. But a man only asks for 3 things NO NAGGING, LOTS OF SEX AND FOOD!!!! Us man can survive without laundry being made, without cleaning and all those other necessities….I can always hire someone to clean the house….I can drop off my laundry for it to be made….ETC!!! Why is it that hard for a woman (NOT ALL) to just make us simple minded ANIMALS happy???
GETTING EMOTIONAL…gotta drop off!!!! lol
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